I hope you’ve had a lovely weekend so far and Sunday is treating you well. After last week’s debut of „Self Love Sunday“ I want to continue the series by talking a bit more about learning to love yourself.
To change or to accept – that is the question
From my experience, there are some things about ourselves that we can change. If we don’t like our wardrobe or haircut, we can usually change them if we want to. If we would like to be fitter we could do more sports. If we don’t like our jobs, perhaps there is a way to switch jobs. All of these things are mostly in our own hands and can be changed, sometimes with a certain amount of effort and determination.
Then again, there are things that cannot be changed to the same extent. I would say that we cannot change the way we truly look, we cannot change certain things about our bodies. These things we can only learn to accept and perhaps, at some point, even love.
I believe that both categories – things we can change and things we cannot change – are important to keep in mind. However, from my experience, with every step you get closer to truly accepting and loving yourself, the less you care about small or superficial things like your looks or your pale skin perhaps. Because once you start to feel at ease in your own skin and realize that you are not just an empty shell, but that your exterior is only there to give your personality a place to live in, you often realize that looks really aren’t everything.
For me personally, a balanced approach works best: I do find that some basic maintenance helps me feel good about myself, while I also think that being at ease with myself no matter what is key.
Beauty routines: a good start but not the end goal
In terms of „basic maintenance“, I have started some little routines, like washing my face with a sonic brush each morning and night, following up with some tonic and finishing with a moisturizer. This has helped clear up my skin a bit and I skip make up even more often than I did before. I try to keep my nails neat and I like my hair to not be a complete mess. Most days this helps me feel like I look my best and I am free to focus on the important things in life. However, when I skip any of those things or I feel like I look like a mess, I still tend to get extremely irritated. I can get really annoyed and suddenly nothing else matters. It feels like everything is just going wrong. This tells me that I am not yet truly at ease with myself because if I were, small things like these wouldn’t matter as much!
Self love: the more advanced game changer
At times I have managed not to care that I look like a mess, my outfit isn’t working, my hair is all over the place, my nails are not done by any means and I am breaking out. These times are times I am so happy with my life that I simply don’t have any reason to care about the superficial things.
So, how can you be this happy? I guess the answer is different for everyone, but I feel good and extremely happy when I work out enough – not for what it does to my body on the outside but for what it does on the inside -, eat well, speak my mind and follow my intuition and my needs. This does not mean disregarding other people’s needs or feelings, it just means also standing up for what you want and – once you are an adult, at least – it is your own responsibility to make sure your needs are met.
All this will take time! As I said, I am often frustrated by small things that won’t matter over the long run, even though I know in my heart that it’s not necessary to fuss over them. I also know what I need to do to change it, but that takes patience and endless self love.
Any way, I really want to get there and I know that I will. Mostly for myself. Partly also for my future children whom I want to teach that their true beauty really does come from within – and that is a heck of a lot easier to teach when you believe it yourself…
Written with Love – The Fairy Pales